Damhamer – Chapter Five

Chapter 5

The celebration had begun. The Borog had been defeated. Orex was safe thanks to the brave soldiers who fought giving their best and some their lives even though they were only trainees. Major Rutherford and Vipa fought with such bravery. The people of Orex are indebted to them. I am happy that Damhamer remembers his name. Regardless of what he says it means, he is still a hero.

Word spread fast around this region. The people who left Orex would be returning soon and everything would be back to normal. Well, I could hope it would. With Damhamer’s new memories something just doesn’t seem to be normal. I am afraid he remembers something or someone from his past. Before I throw a pity party I need to be sure if he is attached—that would be the worst thing ever. I guess destroyer of worlds would probably be on the list somewhere. Damhamer will take some getting used to but it is better than Vipa. He hasn’t spoken much since the battle. My heart is with him. I guess he is trying to sort things out. I don’t know how much he remembers. He hasn’t said much. I don’t push, partly because I am afraid of what he might tell me and partly because he needs to rest and not get agitated. It has only been sixteen time periods since the battle; he needs to recover.

There will be a huge celebration in forty-eight time periods—maybe that will make him feel better. All the soldiers and military that helped will be honored for their bravery. The two soldiers that were killed will be honored the most. They deserve it; they gave their lives defending Orex.

We have treated everyone that sustained injuries. Major Rutherford has almost recovered. His internal injuries will take a few more time periods to heal but he will be good as new. Everyone has gone home or back to the military base. Medesto is quiet again. I will see Damhamer tonight; maybe he will be a little more open and tell me what he remembers. If it is going to be bad I want to get it over with. I can only hope it is something else but tonight I will see.

“Hi, Teresa.”

“Hey Sii, what’s up?”

“I am going home now.”

“Okay. Are there any special instructions for tonight?”

“Nothing really. Keep checking on Major Rutherford; other than that there is no one else here. Is Doctor Lexetod still here?”

“Yes, he is in his office.”

“Thanks Teresa. I will tell him goodnight and be on my way.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Sii. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Teresa.”

Knock Knock.

“Come in, Sii.”

“I’m leaving for today. Just wanted to say goodnight.”

“I have a little more paperwork to finish, then I will be leaving also.”

“Alright then, I guess I will go.”

“Sii, is there something you want to talk about?”

“No I don’t want to bother you with my trivial problems.”

“Sii, I am not just the head of the medical staff—I am your friend as well. You will not bother me. If there is something wrong, I want to help as best I possibly can.”

“Okay, if you are sure. Well, Sigmen, as you know, my feelings for Damhamer have grown over the past time periods.”

“Yes, I am aware of the connection you and Dam–hamer have. It is a little difficult saying that name after calling him Vipa for so long.”

“Yes, it is taking me a little time to get used to also.”

“Sii, please sit and tell me what is going on.”

“Well, Sigmen, now that Damhamer has started remembering I’m afraid he is going to tell me that he is attached.”

“Sii, I hate to be the voice of reason, but you knew the chances of that being true from the start. I know it will not be easy for you if that is the case, but know that you have friends here who love you, and we will help get you through it no matter what the outcome.”

“I know you are right, but I’m not sure what to do.”

“Well, Sii, you don’t know for sure if that is the case. If it is so, you can deal with it then. Until that time I would go on believing that it is your destiny to be with him.”

“I do believe with all my heart that it is my destiny to be with him.”

“Then go, Sii, and fulfill your destiny.”

“Thank you, Sigmen. You have always been like a father to me. I am truly fortunate and grateful for that. Thank you again. I will leave you to your work. It’s time for me to find out what my destiny will be.”

“Goodnight, Sii.”

“Goodnight, Sigmen.”

Tonight I hope he is feeling better. I understand that remembering something like Destroyer of Worlds would shake anyone up. For the short time I have known him, I cannot imagine him being anywhere near that. He has shown some pretty wicked powers, but he did save me and Orex. There is another old Earth saying: if ifs and buts were candy and nuts we would all have a merry fracking Christmas. I am not sure what that means, exactly, but it seems appropriate. Arquiliams have a very deep-rooted passion and will follow their hearts into the flames of Vorogon, even if I crash and burn.

I arrived at Damhamer’s room. I stood outside the door feeling a little nervous, wondering what is he was going to say. I know there is no need to worry. This being cares for me and he would never hurt me intentionally. Remember the destiny thing? Yes, I remember.

(Knock, Knock)

As soon as Damhamer opened the door I could feel the deep sadness. It covered me like a vail of despair. I had to fight back tears. It was so overwhelming I didn’t know if I would be able to stay, but I must fight these feelings. They are deceitful and contradict everything I believe in.


“Hello, Sii.”

“How are you?”

I embraced him and held on as tight as I could. I felt the same spark as always, but something was definitely wrong. He did not hold me as he did before. My heart began to sink. I have to go on no matter what. He put his hand on his head then his chest.

“My saatra and torav are heavy with corros.”

I believe his is saying his mind and body are filled with sorrow. I did not want to ask. I just wanted to hold him.

“I am sorry for your pain. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, this corros is not yours to bear. It is mine. I am grateful to you, Sii. You have helped in many ways, but this is something that can’t be resolved by your medicine.”

“What do you mean?”

I knew what he meant but I had to ask anyway.

“Sii, since the attack I have remembered unspeakable things, and I am trying to understand how this could be.”

“Please tell me what you think you’ve done that is so bad.”

“Sii, what I have done is not for you to hear.”

“Please. I do want to hear. I want to help you. I know the pain inside you is different from the outside pain. I love you (there I said it) and I don’t want you to hurt, inside as well as outside. There is nothing you could tell me that would change that.”

There was a long silent pause. I felt Damhamer’s embrace become a little tighter. Then after what seemed an eternity he released me but held my hands. Okay, I thought this is it—he is attached and my heart will be broken. His deep blue eyes looking down on me, I began to cry uncontrollably. He raised his hand and gently put it on the side of my head. His hand covered the whole side of my face but it was wonderful. He then took his thumb and wiped away the tears. I could not speak. My heart was literally breaking in half.

“I love you too, Sii.”

My world went from dark to light again. I was waiting for that but there’s almost always a but. To my relief it did not come out. The waterworks really started to flow.

“I am sorry. I feel my corros has overwhelmed you.”

“I know I am a mess; it’s just that I hurt for you.”

“I do not understand.”

“I love you. When you hurt, I hurt. Your pain is my pain.”

“Sii, I do not wish for you feel the pain I am feeling.”

“That is just the way it is. My heart wants to take all the pain from you.”

“Sii, the pain I have you must not take. Please do not take offense. You cannot even begin to understand the pain I feel, nor do I wish for you to. I have done unspeakable things. Things I cannot understand or explain. I do not believe I could have done these things and yet I remember them. I don’t know what to do.”

My whole body ached for him. When I looked into his deep blue eyes the confusion and pain were eating him alive. There was a tear from one of his eyes. It rolled down his face and dropped on my arm. As soon as it hit I went into a different state. All the horrible things he spoke of…I saw them. Oh my God, what is this?! It can’t be true. I saw all the things he saw before I passed out.

I woke a few hours later. I was on Damhamer’s bed. He was sitting beside me holding my hand, tears flowing from his eyes and forming a crystallite mound on the floor with the appearance of an old earth stone called diamonds.

“What happened?”

I knew what had happened: his tear triggered the connection between us.

“I’m sorry, Sii. I did not wish for you to know the things I have done. No one should ever have to witness the horrible things I’ve done.”

I wanted to comfort him but at the same time and the first time I was a little afraid of him. But that only lasted a few seconds. I love him and I believe there was a reason he did those things. There is always a reason. I just can’t imagine what that reason would be. I sat up on the side of the bed and I took the hand that he was holding mine with and put it on my chest over my heart.

“Listen to me. I love you and whatever you have done in the past does not matter to me. The only thing that matters is that you are not that person anymore. You have proven yourself by what you have done here. You did not know who or what we were, but you rose up and saved the people of Orex. You did not destroy us. You saved me. You didn’t let me perish when the Borog attacked.”

“But Sii, I did not come to Orex to save anyone. I came to destroy them.”

“Yes—I know, but you didn’t. That means the person who did all those horrible things was not you. This is you. The warrior that defeated the Borog to save a small unimportant place as Orex Orion. That is the man I fell for.”

“I am not sure what to do next.”

“The council is having a celebration to honor you and all the soldiers that fought against the Borog. There will be a special honor for the two that were killed.”

“I do not deserve to be honored. There is no honor in the things I have done.”

“You have to go. The people of Orex wish to show you their gratitude. I will be with you and I promise we will figure this out after the event.”

Damhamer put his hand on the side of my face and started to pull me to his beautiful face. He was going to kiss me. I put my hand on his lips as to pause the moment. I was going to kiss him and I knew it probably was going to led to something more, but there was one thing I still was not clear on.

“I want to kiss you, but there is one thing I need to know before this goes any further. I need to know are you attached to another.”

He looked at me with a confused look on his face.

“I am sorry, Sii. I do not know this attached.”

It took me a few seconds to get the courage, but I had to know.

“I mean are you promised to another? Do you have someone that you feel the same way as you do about me?”

I could see that he was searching for the right words to let me down with.

“By your hesitation I know the answer will not be good.”

Please forgive me. My reaction, it was of relief. I was afraid you were going to reject me. From the first time I saw you my heart belonged to you. I could not explain how or why I felt this way but I did. As each day passed my heart burned more and more for you. When you told me you loved me I knew my heart was not wrong. My love for you runs deeper than Porsariouses Ocean. I am promised to someone…and that someone is you, Sii.”

These words he was saying to me touched my soul. Tears ran down my face like rain showers from Earth of old. I do not know if I could love him more than I do right now but I will spend my whole life trying to. He lay down beside me on the bed. He held me. it took about thirty minutes before I could even stop crying enough to talk. I did not care where this leads to. All that mattered was that we were together. He held me in his arms the rest of the night. We did not talk, just held each other. The ceremony would be starting at the third time period. I hope we can hold it together till after the event. Then we can try to figure out what to do. Damhamer was not feeling too ceremonious, and who could blame him? From what I saw I do not want to think about the things he has done. I have to believe there is something more to this. I do believe that he is capable of these horrible things, but I refuse to believe that he did these things willingly.
A sudden outburst startled me.


“Damhamer, what is wrong?”

He clinched his chest.

“Please tell me, what is happening?” He removed his shirt. The object on his chest was pulsing between gray and black.

“I don’t know what to do. Is it hurting you?”

“Yes. It feels like it is being pulled from my chest.”

“I don’t know how to make it stop.”

I touched the object on his chest. There was a discharge of some kind. I was knocked across the room. Other than defecating my pants I think I am okay. Damhamer let out a roar. His eyes went totally black. The object on his chest was pulsing solid black now. I do not know what is happening. The whole room started to shake violently. The whole building was going to come down.

“Damhamer, you have to stop. You are going to destroy the building.”

I screamed as loud as I could. Tears were running down my face again. He turned and looked at me. His eyes were black. The look on his face terrified me. I tried to get up from the floor but I could not. Apart from being terrified, some kind of force field was holding me down. I screamed again.

“You have to stop. Damhamer, I love you.”

When I said ‘I love you’ the expression on his face changed. He let out another roar and everything went back to normal. What the frack was that? The object on his chest had returned to white but there was what appeared to be steam resonating from the object. At that point I was able to get up. I ran over to the bed. I took his hand. I had to pull it away; he was burning up. The temperature of his body had to be at least one hundred seventy-five degrees.

“Damhamer, are you all right?”

I could hear the warning sirens. We would have to explain this, but right now he is my priority.

“Damhamer, please respond.”

He finally sat up on the bed and let out a deep, slow moan.

“Please tell me you are all right.”

“Yes, I am all right now.”

“I want to hold you.”

The burn on my hand that I didn’t notice before just now reminded me that I can’t.

“But you are burning up. When I took your hand it burned me.”

He looked up at me. Tears filled his eyes. He fell to his knees on the floor.

“I am so sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me.”

His voice was shaky and filled with grief. He was so disoriented that he could not pick himself up off the floor. My heart was breaking for him. After what seemed to be eternity, he spoke, but it was not what I wanted to hear.

“Sii, you must stay away from me. I do not know what is happening to me. You are not safe with me.”

He had cooled off so I just held him. I was not going anywhere. We would figure this out or die trying. I held him for about an hour, nothing said, just holding him. Both our communicators were going off. I did not care; that could wait. I knew what it was about and it is okay now. It was the morning time period now. The ceremony would be starting soon. Neither of us was in the mood but we have to be there. I wanted to spend the night with him but it didn’t work out like I hoped. I finally left and went back to my place to clean up and get ready for the ceremony. All I could think about was Damhamer. Out of all the memories that came back to him it had to be the most horrible ones. I love him and I will stand by him no matter what but with what I saw and felt I am not sure that I will be any help.


It was the later part of the second time period: time to go to the trade hall. I called for a transport. I called Damhamer and told him I would have the transport pick him up. The transport arrived in front of the Hostel Six. He was waiting. He looked so handsome all decked out in his warrior uniform. His face told a different story. His beautiful face was cloaked with sadness. Crap, here come the waterworks again. Damhamer got in the transport and immediately took me in his arms. I had just got the tears stopped and then he does this. The floodgates are open now. Thank god I don’t require makeup—it would be running down his breast plate. The ride to the trade hall was a quiet one, nothing being said by either of us. The only thing that was speaking was the pain that Damhamer was carrying. The atmosphere was thick with it. I could not hold back—I had to do something.

“Dasa, what was that last night in your room? I know it is not easy. I have seen your past. My heart is breaking for you but I don’t what to do. Please tell me what I can do.”

My emotions pushed to the limit, I could not talk clearly, I was crying so hard.

He put his hand on my face as he did before. He looked at me with those beautiful blue tear-filled eyes. He spoke. His voice was soft. I could feel the love even past the sadness.

“Sii, please forgive me. Part of the corros is because I have caused you so much pain.”

“What causes you pain causes me pain. There is nothing to forgive. You are dasa.”

“Dasa. How do you know that word? Do you know what it means?”

“Yes, it means my love. How I know this is not clear. I must have picked it up when we shared minds in your room last night. You are my love and there is nothing that will change that. I will stand with you in life and in death.”

He started to speak but the words were held captive on his tongue. He pulled me in and kissed me with such passion I melted into his arms and never wanted to leave.

Ding. We have arrived at your destination.

Crap. The transport brought the moment to a screeching halt. We are here. Time to put on the hero face. They will never know how hard that will be for Damhamer but I am sure he will make the best of it. There is still reason to celebrate. The Borog were defeated.

The hall was not quite decorated in the traditional manner. The merchants all contributed something that symbolized their gratitude. It was beautiful, all the different colors and shapes. There were baskets filled with painted fruit. The baskets were draped in voleshan silk. There were banners made that circled the hall with scenes of the battle between the soldiers and the Borog. There were tables of food and drink of many varieties. All around there were people laughing and having a wonderful time. I am sure if the merchants had their way they would parade the prisoners that were captured around the hall so they could rub in their victory over them. It is understandable but the prisoners have been transported to the military prison camp on Corlox Five. We made our way to the end of the hall. Above the podium was a larger banner. It was a picture of Damhamer destroying one of the Borog ships. As soon as he saw the banner he became angry. We were met by Major Rutherford. Damhamer did not respond. He went up the podium and tore down the banner and ripped it to pieces. Everyone in the hall stopped to see what was going on.

“Why is he tearing the banner down? What is wrong with him?”

“I am sorry, Major. He is in a bad place right now. He does not believe he is a hero.”

Oh great, more tears again. Maybe we should try to skip the ceremony.

“Sii, what is going on? Why are you crying? Are you all right?”

“Yes Major I am all right it is just that I am hurting for him. After he woke he started remembering things from his past and they were not good memories.”

“What kind of memories?”

“I don’t want to get into that now with everyone’s spirits so high. It will just bring down the festivities. I will explain later.”

“Okay, Sii, but please let me know if there is anything I can do.”

“Thank you, Major.”

Everyone there had come to the podium. The council members come out to see what all the commotion was.

“Okay. Move on. There is nothing to see here.”

Major Rutherford is a good man. He went on his way breaking up the crowd that had gathered. Damhamer was just standing in silence on the podium. Councilman Taraca approached me.

“Nurse Vetta, what seems to be the problem? Did he not like the banner?”

“No, that is not it, Councilman Taraca. He is in a bad place right now. He doesn’t feel that he is the hero everyone has made him out to be.”

“Nonsense, he and all the soldiers are heroes. Why would he not accept that?”

“I will explain later, Councilman. It is not the right time now.”

“Yes, I agree, Nurse Vetta, but is he going to be up for the ceremony?”

“I am not sure, sir.”

The truth was I wasn’t sure he would be okay. The ceremony went on as planned. Damhamer somehow made it through it without any problems but he was not in the most festive mode. The ceremony was beautiful. The two soldiers that lost their lives were given the highest honor bestowed to a non-commissioned officer but they deserved it. The families of the two soldiers were here. They accepted the award for their sons. It was very emotional time for Orex but my concern is with Damhamer. He is a mess and I do not have a pill or potion to help him. I will do whatever it takes to help him find a reason why he did those horrible things.
The ceremony went well in to the third night time period. We ducked out of there before the real festivities got too carried away. Some of the people had a little too much Orex ale. No matter where you go in the universe people like to party but Leeber and Jezek can see after them. I called for a shuttle. The ride to his hostel was very quiet. I knew he was still trying to make sense out of all of it. We had almost reach the hostel when the object on his chest began to pulse. I could feel it under his chest plate. He looked at me. His eyes were solid black. He let out a scream. The shuttle craft stopped. It was confused: it did not understand the command which wasn’t a command, it was a scream.

“Damhamer, are you all right?”

I put my hand on his arm. Just as I was about to make contact he screamed “NO” but it was too late. When I touched him our minds connected again. The next thing I knew I was lying on Damhamer’s bed. He was kneeling beside the bed holding my hand again.

“What happened?”

“When you touched me our minds joined. You passed out. I put you in my bed and have been waiting for you to come to. Are you all right now?”

“Yes, I am okay. Just a bit of a headache. I am sure it will pass.”

“Sii, I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused you…and there is something I need to tell you.”

I knew what he was about to say and there was no fracking way.

“Sii, I need to leave Orex. I feel that the people here are in danger if I stay. I believe it will be for the best.”

The tears were running again. It took me a minute to pull myself together. There was no way he was going to leave without me.

“I understand your concern, but do I need to remind you of the ceremony we just attended? Did the people of Orex seem worried that their hero, their savior, was going to destroy them? No—they love you as I do and they know they’re safe now because of you.”

“I must leave, Sii. There is something pulling me away from here and I need to know what or who.”

“I saw everything and felt everything you felt. I know what you are feeling.”

“Then you know that I must do this.”

“Yes, but you are not going alone.”

“Sii, you can’t go with me. I do not know what danger lays ahead and if anything ever happened to you, I would—well, you know what I would do.”

“Apparently you don’t remember much about women.”

I stood and put my arms as far around him as I could and held him as tight as I could just to let him know he was not going anywhere without me.

“When do we leave?”

We spent the next few hours holding each other and making a plan. I was not sure how the Xedef Priority would take me leaving but I have two hundred twenty-four time periods I could use. I don’t get out much. That should not be a problem.

“Sii, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. Where do you think I would be safer, here or with you?”

“All right, Sii. My ship was destroyed. We will need a ship.”

“There was two of the Borog ships captured. We could ask Major Rutherford for one of them. I am sure it would not be a problem.”

“Yes, Major Rutherford is an honorable man.”

Beep, my communicator sounded. it was Medesto. I am late again. It was Doctor Lexctod. Well, I guess I should break the news to him.

“I will tell Sigmen of our plans and get the paperwork filled out.”

“I will go to the military base and talk with the major.”

“Great. I will meet you here later today.”

We kissed and he held me so tight I thought he was going to crush me but I did not care. I didn’t want to let him go and I never will.

It was not easy but Sigmen understood. He signed my leave papers and gave me a big hug and his fatherly advice as usual, but that was great. It is nice to have friends that care about you. I said my goodbyes to everyone at Medesto. I would only be gone a few time periods and I would bring them something from my travels, but it was still very emotional. You would think I was never coming back. My eyes were sore from all the crying but this is what I have to do. It is my destiny to be with Damhamer and no matter what I will fulfill my destiny.

I went home and started packing. I was not sure where we were going or what we would need so I packed everything. Colosha came home while I was packing. We had a great time together and she was excited for me. I would miss her and everyone here on Orex. After all the goodbyes I met Damhamer back at his room. He had talked with Major Rutherford. The major said given all he had done for Orex he could have anything he wanted, except for his ship, of course. We spent the evening planning our trip. I did not care what we did—I was with him and that is what my heart desired. We ate dinner and turned in. We would be leaving in the morning time period, and yes, I am sleeping with him but there will not be any physical contact. I wanted to but it was not the right time for all that. He just held me in his arms till we both drifted off to sleep.

The alarm went off.

“Aaahhhhh is it morning already? I slept so well. How did you sleep, Dasa?”

“Last night was the first night since I arrived on Orex that I slept without the visions torturing my mind.”

“That is great. I slept very well myself. I want to shower then I will be ready to go.”

“Again I must ask. Sii, are you sure you want to do this? I do not know what is calling me away from here and I do not know what danger lies ahead.”

“I will be about ten minutes then you can have the shower. I will call for us a shuttle to take us to the base.”

I was not going to answer that question. I have made my decision and that is that. He just looked at me with that beautiful face. I could tell what he was thinking even though he said nothing. I kissed him and took my shower. The shuttle was waiting. I was ready. He came out of the shower room with just a towel wrapped around his waist and Daaam Hamer he looked good. I know I saw him when he was brought to Medesto but I guess I am looking at him differently now. I sure hope we don’t get killed; I really want to—

“Sii are you all right? You look as if there is something wrong.”

“No, no, there is nothing wrong with that picture at all.”

Whoops got to get my head back in the game. After my hot flashes passed we gathered our things, put them the shuttle and off to the military base we went. Major Rutherford was waiting at the ship we would be taking.

“Good morning, Major.”

“Good morning, Sii. How are you?”

“I am well, and you?”

“I am doing well also, thank you. How is Damhamer? He explained everything to me yesterday. I am not sure if I agree with what you are doing but I understand he is a puzzle with some of the pieces missing and the need to find them.”

Damhamer finished unloading our—well, mostly my—luggage and sent the shuttle on.


“Good morning Damhamer. The ship is ready. We have fueled it and stocked it with all the necessities you would need for about fifty-four time periods. Everything was checked out and working correctly. The engines and the weapon system are fully functional. I just hope you don’t need them.”

“You are a most honorable man, Major Rutherford. I am indebted to you. Thank you for everything. I will not forget such generosity.”

“Just bring Sii and yourself back safely. That is thanks enough. Sii, we also stocked the ship with medical supplies that I hope you don’t need, but you have them in case.”

“Thank you, Major.”

A hug and a kiss were appropriate for the major’s generosity. We were about to board the ship when all these shuttles started pouring into the base. I was not sure what was going on till the first shuttle stopped. It was Doctor Lexetod and the staff from Medesto. With each shuttle more of the people from Orex poured out. Colosha, the council members, merchants, everyone had come out to see us off. Sigmen walked up and hugged me.

“What—is all—of this.”

It was hard to speak through all the tears.

“Now Sii, do you really think we would let you go off without showing you how much you both mean to us.”

I could not even speak after all that. The sendoff went on for about an hour. Everyone hugged us and wished us well. I was cried out but my heart was bursting with love for these people. I assured them we would come back and I would miss every one of them. Even Damhamer was broken up with all this. He tried to hold it back but I could see the tears forming in his eyes. It was time to board the ship. Our destiny awaits.

“Are you ready, Sii?”

“Yes Dasa, I am ready. Oh, one thing I just thought of—do you know how to fly this ship?”

“There is only one way to find out.”

We left and I watched Orex get smaller and smaller. I was not sure where we were going or what we would find but our destinies are intertwined and set and no one or nothing will change that. My heart’s desires have been fulfilled so no matter what happens we have each other…


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